trying to look within myself…
i set my goal with my trainer of 5 pounds this week. i’ve lost 2. i haven’t set foot in the gym since monday. feeling so unmotivated it’s almost sick. i don’t know how to motivate myself at all. before vacation, i was so motivated to go to the gym, maybe even twice a day.
tonight, i go to my free information session of medically supervised weight loss.with this particular program, women usually lose 40 pounds in the first 3 months, and then slower, but steady weight loss after.
now, if i do this for a year, steadily, i would be tremendously smaller. but who would i be? how would i act? i’ve never been comfortable with my body. i feel like i’ll still be this jaw-droppingly overweight girl in this healthy(ier) girl’s body. it’s really scary. but i’m so ready. i’m so ready to go into a store, or the mall, and not have to shop in specialty sections or specialty stores. i’m kind of freaked out, but i have butterflies.
i don’t know how to feel.
