my life, in a surprisingly petite nutshell

http://scintillatingsarah.blogspot.com/

I’m getting really into blogging my feelings about my diet and my gradual lifestyle change.  I would really appreciate anyone who has a blogspot to give me encouragement… I really am going to need it in the coming weeks.

trying to deal with it, is a bitch. you really have to be so completely mentally agile to not cheat at all, especially when you are on a plan like optifast.

Optifast is a liquid fast, a very low calorie diet, with 5 shakes a day. It is 12 ounces each, I think, and it contains ALL the nutrition you need for the day- ALL vitamins and minerals, 125-150% protein, but only 25% of the fat and 35% of the carbs. It’s really advanced in dietetics and it really amazes me. It’s doctor supervised program for about 24-26 weeks, and includes an open counseling session each week to deal with the psychology behind overeating and how to change our relationship with food.

i’ve lost 22.6 pounds in 3 weeks. it’s awesome, but disgusting. my mind needs to catch up with how much my body is actually changing.

In total, since April, I’ve lost 38 pounds. I don’t really feel like i look any different, but I guess other people think so.

I never want to be thin by any means, but i want to be healthy and at a healthy pregnancy weight by the time i’m 25 or 26. That is my ultimate goal. Being a mom is one of my biggest dreams, and i’m mentally and emotionally stable enough to start my journey right now.

(not to mention i want to look fantastic on my wedding day, who doesn’t?)

I’m really happy with where I am at the moment, and I think I’m ready to take on all the emotions and ups and downs that come with lifestyle changes such as this.

I’ve been cranky, emotional, and I can lose my cool in an instant, but I have an Understanding fiance who tells me that it’s okay and that understands that I’m going through something that is ridiculously challenging.

Even driving to work is a struggle. Passing fast food, WORKING with food- pizza, pasta, salad, even LETTUCE that I can’t have. Once you stop eating food and actually focus on what you are thinking, it is shocking to realize how much you eat. I used to pop croutons at work when we were really busy, and now i cant do that. I think about it all the time though. Whenever I’m home on the couch (which I hardly ever am anymore, I think about it ALL the time. How I could just go into the kitchen to get a snack, and nobody would ever know except me. But that is cheating myself. I can’t do that. To think that it’s going to be a battle for the rest of my life is a really stressful though. but I will get through it.

I’m really happy. ‘Nuff said. More to come.

get on the facebook.

i set my goal with my trainer of 5 pounds this week. i’ve lost 2. i haven’t set foot in the gym since monday. feeling so unmotivated it’s almost sick. i don’t know how to motivate myself at all. before vacation, i was so motivated to go to the gym, maybe even twice a day.

tonight, i go to my free information session of medically supervised weight loss.with this particular program, women usually lose 40 pounds in the first 3 months, and then slower, but steady weight loss after.

now, if i do this for a year, steadily, i would be tremendously smaller. but who would i be? how would i act? i’ve never been comfortable with my body. i feel like i’ll still be this jaw-droppingly overweight girl in this healthy(ier) girl’s body. it’s really scary. but i’m so ready. i’m so ready to go into a store, or the mall, and not have to shop in specialty sections or specialty stores. i’m kind of freaked out, but i have butterflies.

i don’t know how to feel.

in the past 3 months of blood, sweat, and tears.

i don’t know what to do, and i’m supremely discouraged.

depression mode.

8======D- {()}

just touched our butt cracks at the same time.

at the same time

at the same time